What Is a Living Wake? Exploring the Final Goodbye

Living Wakes: Celebrating Life While We’re Still Here

My first introduction to the living wake concept came about reading the novel Family Lore by Elizabeth Acevedo. It's about 4 sisters, each with a supernatural gift, and their lives moving from The Dominican Republic to Manhattan. Flor Marte, the eldest, has the gift of premonition for death. At age 70, she decides to throw herself a living wake. Her immediate family is shocked. Everyone insists on knowing, why?!

How it works

Although living wakes are slowly entering the mainstream, from what I could find searching online the general experience tends to be novel for most people. Similar to the variance in funerals regarding agenda, themes, and practices, there isn't a single template for a living wake. It could be an intimate meal. It could also be a big party with an extensive guest list of people from throughout a person's life. The appeal of a living wake is to give a mutual goodbye. A celebration of life and/or funeral honors a person with a focus on the attendees responding to the departure whereas a living wake includes a person in a way that they hear the praises of their life.

A living wake seems like a thoughtful way to enter the end of life.

Considerations for When Life Isn't Perfect

Granted, I wonder how it works when someone harbors hurt, resentment, or other unhealed tension with the person featured in the living wake. Is attendance a tacit burying of the hatchet? Or maybe it's like a wedding where you don't dare invite an old adversary. I imagine most people prefer not to go to their death with the weight of an unresolved drama, but a living wake hardly seems like a venue to work through it.

If there are any death doulas or other professionals in the wellness or spiritual space with insight about this, please enlighten us in the comments!

Best Wishes for a Fitting Final Goodbye

So, does the idea of attending your own wake appeal to you? I would love to know your thoughts.

Whether or not you're in favor of a living wake, I hope this post was helpful in illuminating your final wishes. While my work focuses on tending to graves and memorial spaces, the heart of it is in cultivating a Good (After) Life.

The image for this blog post is a Family Lore inspired wake invitation.